Over the past summer, after discovering that my life had pretty much flat lined, I made a committment to run a Triathlon, complete my first book project and dedicate my time to serving others by raising money for Leukemia and Lymphoma society.
I started this process afraid. Afraid of failing. Afraid of not being able to stick to my commitments. Afraid of being judged, doubted, talked about and laughed at by others. Afraid that I will not raise the money I need ($4,900.00) to participate in the race. Afraid that my book won’t be good enough. Afriad that my voice will not be strong enough, that publishers will not like my concept, that my story is not relevant to people.
I have always been afraid of these things but instead of admitting to my fears I made excuses. So now instead of fearing my fears I am admitting to them and wrestling with them daily. Every day I give myself a pep talk as if I were my child. I remind me who I am and where I came from. I remember the strength of the people that raised me and the ancestors that raised them.
Everyday I visualize the big ME. The woman that finishes triathlons and publishes books. Her poigniant stories opening the hearts of everyone that reads her work. She evokes change in the mental constructs of her readers and instills hope in their darkest moments. Her words are as freeing to others as they are cathartic to her. She continues to grow and to fully expand her light with every word written. I see her raising funds for cancer research one generous person at a time--each donation bringing light to the hearts of the giver. I feel her muscles flexing with each swim stroke, bike peddle and mile run to the finish line. Slim, energized and accomplished she is humble.Her friends and family celebrate her strengths. She is surrounded by progressive, ambitious, generous and supportive spirits.
I lie in my bed and visualize her moments of triumphs throughout the journey and laughter through the challenges. I realize that this is the first time that I have visualized the woman that I am becoming, instead of wallowing in regret for the mistakes I made as the girl that I once was.
On November 4th I attended my first triathlon trainingPublish Post
and I turned in my first book proposal. Within a span of two days my fears were fearlessly faced as I took my first steps toward my biggest dreams. Today, at week five I can stand up and say that it is done. I am succeeding! One dollar at a time, one step at a time, one word at a time.
If you know someone winning the fight against cancer, please donate in their name. Every little bit helps. http://pages.teamintraining.org/sf/lavatri11/kwalkerqhz
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