Old Lady Bathing Suit

Let's Toast!!!  I just completed my second swim workout. What an improvement from day one. I think more than anything I am more confident.

On day one, before I actually jumped into the pool and began my first swim I sat on the edge of the pool. Like a cliché I just I dangled my feet in the shallow end. I gave myself the pep talk. I spent about 10 minutes debating with myself, outloud--in my head. “You put me in this hideous full piece bathing suit that makes me look like an old lady, you better jump in.” Then I hissed back; “I don’t know how young you think We are. We are no spring chicken.” “But still” I retorted. “You came all the way over here, got dressed in this old lady swim suit, paid $5.00 to…What? Sit on the edge and wimp out? NO. NO. NO.” On the third "no" I jumped in. I looked around at all of the other swimmers. They all looked like they had been at this swimming thing for a while. “Okay Kim! You know how to swim. Don’t psych yourself out. One…Two…THAAA... Okay one, two three. GO.”

I went. I splashed my way to the other end of the swimming pool like a dolphin with inverted fin disease. There is no such disease but my point is I sucked. I didn’t have a technique. I fought against the water as if I were afraid of it. I was. I attempted the breast stroke for about four tiring laps with my head above the water. I had a breast stroke/doggy paddle hybrid move going on.

Because I am accustomed to being a graceful mover, I was embarrassed at my performance. While in the middle of my struggle to each end of the pool I kept imaging the two young life guards’ eye balling each other as if to signal “get ready! This one is sure to tank.” I started feeling responsible for their comfort and wanted to jump out of the pool so that they wouldn’t have to worry about me.

Then I remembered. I am not performing. This is me trying to get it right. I am not on stage, I am not instructing a group of women, I am not on display at a fundraiser or event. I am just trying to turn this awkward swim stroke into a graceful glide from one end of the pool to the other. Once I cleared that limiting hurdle I began to feel a bit more at ease. I started chanting mantras to overcome the fear that I would somehow forget to swim all together and just sink to the bottom of the pool. “Ashey, Ashey, my way is a peaceful way, Ashey, Ashey my way is peace.”

At the end of each lap I rested and watched the other swimmers. I noticed how they all had their faces submerged in the water and would come up for air after the third stroke. “Okay girl put your face in the water. Come on!” I pushed off the wall and emulated the swim style of the other mammals. I began to feel like I was on to something. My body floated along more graceful than before, I even felt less tired than my first few laps. Although I must have swallowed a couple of quartz of salt/chlorine water I felt an improvement. So for my first day out I give myself a “not too shabby.” Thumbs not down, but not quite up either.

That was Tuesday. Day two, Thursday, I jumped right in the water and got started no problem. I swam a couple of laps; still mocking the other swimmers but still feeling a little funky about my stroke. Then, I met a wonderful lady named Cynthia. I think that she is really an angel. You know that person that God/dess puts in front of us to show us the way—God/dess’ involuntary messenger. As soon as she came out to the pool she just started talking to me. I told her that I was training for a triathlon and she immediately offered to help me with my technique. I thought to myself “what do I have inverted dolphin fin disease tattooed on my forehead? She hadn’t even seen me swim.” Immediately humbled, I graciously accepted her invitation. It turns out that she is a Masters Swim Trainer for long distance swimmers.

Cynthia held my attention when she compared swimming to dancing. "Learning to swim efficiently is like learning a ball room dance routine. You can have all of the rhythm in the world but if you don’t know the technique you’re just bopping around the dance floor." She showed me one tip that changed my entire swim experience. After her little tip on how to rotate the body at the end of the third stroke and breath properly I enjoyed the swim so much more. I stayed in the pool for a couple more laps and perhaps may have over done it. I could hardly get myself home afterwards and my eyes are still stinging from the salt/chlorine water. But I feel good about myself today: I let go of some insecurities, I overcame a couple of unnecessary fears, I didn’t allow my ego anywhere near the pool and I even got a complement on my bathing suit. Cynthia loved it. She has one just like it. Cynthia is in her late sixties.

If I'm anything like Cynthia when I am her age it would mean that I finally got my stroke right.

I have 141 more workouts to go. Tomorrow is biking, then running and swimming again on Saturday/Sunday.

If you have not sponsored me yet I have 143 workouts left to go. Please pledge .50 cents to $1.00 per work out. Your pledge will help keep me motivated and you would be supporting the efforts toward finding a cure for Leukemia, Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and Myeloma disease.

http://pages.teamintraining.org/sf/lavatri11/kwalkerqhz
I appreciate you joining me on this journey.

Stepping Into My Biggest Dreams One Dollar, One Step, One Word At A Time

Over the past summer, after discovering that my life had pretty much flat lined, I made a committment to run a Triathlon, complete my first book project and dedicate my time to serving others by raising money for Leukemia and Lymphoma society. 


I started this process afraid. Afraid of failing. Afraid of not being able to stick to my commitments. Afraid of being judged, doubted, talked about and laughed at by others. Afraid that I will not raise the money I need ($4,900.00) to participate in the race. Afraid that my book won’t be good enough. Afriad that my voice will not be strong enough, that publishers will not like my concept, that my story is not relevant to people.

I have always been afraid of these things but instead of admitting to my fears I made excuses. So now instead of fearing my fears I am admitting to them and wrestling with them daily. Every day I give myself a pep talk as if I were my child. I remind me who I am and where I came from. I remember the strength of the people that raised me and the ancestors that raised them.


Everyday I visualize the big ME. The woman that finishes triathlons and publishes books. Her poigniant stories opening the hearts of everyone that reads her work. She evokes change in the mental constructs of her readers and instills hope in their darkest moments. Her words are as freeing to others as they are cathartic to her. She continues to grow and to fully expand her light with every word written. I see her raising funds for cancer research one generous person at a time--each donation bringing light to the hearts of the giver. I feel her muscles flexing with each swim stroke, bike peddle and mile run to the finish line. Slim, energized and accomplished she is humble.Her friends and family  celebrate her strengths. She is surrounded by  progressive, ambitious, generous and supportive spirits. 


I lie in my bed and visualize her moments of triumphs throughout the journey and laughter through the challenges. I realize that this is the first time that I have visualized the woman that I am becoming, instead of wallowing in regret for the mistakes I made as the girl that I once was.


On November 4th I attended my first triathlon trainingPublish Post
 and I turned in my first book proposal. Within a span of two days my fears were fearlessly faced as I took my first steps toward my biggest dreams. Today, at week five I can stand up and say that it is done. I am succeeding! One dollar at a time, one step at a time, one word at a time.


If you know someone winning the fight against cancer, please donate in their name.   Every little bit helps. http://pages.teamintraining.org/sf/lavatri11/kwalkerqhz